ne evening last fall, I sat in a tiny room in my husband’s house and thought about all the events that had led to that day. The "great guy", "animal lover", "family man" and "perfect gentleman" I thought I'd married turned out to be none of those things. In fact, he'd turned out to be a monster.

        After four weeks of confinement in that little room - a fitting end to a marriage of false imprisonment - I was at last able to do what I'd been longing to do for years and working towards for months: escape. I got out with my life and never looked back.

          During those years I experienced something I never expected: domestic abuse. I learned a great deal and paid a dear price for that knowledge.

          I learned about the soul-blasting furnace of abuse - mental torture, emotional pain, financial deprivation, spiritual exhaustion, marital rape, social humiliation, animal cruelty and other daily horrors. These are some of the consequences you may face when you don't see red flags.

         Lack of knowledge can destroy you. And a single mistake can cost you everything.

          I thought about the millions of women and girls who are going through this right now, wasting their lives in hopelessly abusive relationships and suffering in more ways than they realize.

          I thought about all the women who have never learned the truth about this hideous counterfeit of love, how to protect themselves from it and what to do when they’ve been caught up in it.

          I thought about the billions of dollars that abuse is costing business and government and how only an informed populace can begin to turn the tide at every intersection of perpetrator and target.

          And I thought, I'm not just a survivor, but an anthropologist and a writer; maybe I can do something to help .  

          It seemed a lot of good could come from a book that teaches what red flags look like and what they mean; a book that helps you see and avoid the mind games and traps that can cost you so much, even your life.

          The things we lose to abuse, we can recover, maybe; the time, never.

          “Brilliant! It made me cry and gave me hope and educated me all in one. This book needs to be read by EVERY woman.”

           Tammy Rosales; Walton, Kentucky

            Then I caught myself. Who am I to think I can write this book? Dare I be so bold as to think there is a place for a book by a survivor rather than a credentialed expert? Could others be helped by what I have learned? I sought and thought long and hard. And then I started writing because:

·      Above all else, I’m here to tell you that you are not doomed to a life of penury, loneliness and despair after abuse.

·      I felt called to it. Once the idea popped up, it would not go away, no matter what else I did.

·      The premise of RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS is different. It is not another cautionary tale. It’s a map, not a memoir. It’s from my experience, but it's not my story. Rather, it's what I learned that could save you.

·      My early readers and reviewers, with one exception, encouraged me to keep writing. They also generously shared their expertise and insight.

·      I learned irrefutably that the old saying is true: there’s no substitute for experience.

·      Life is a gift worth fighting for. The joy of living can be claimed anew or recovered after abuse.

·      There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I know when you’re in the tunnel, you need all the encouragement you can get.

·      After great tribulation, you can receive great gifts and great revelations.

·      I discovered many valuable but unknown strategies for renewing your mind and changing your life so that you can get that second chance.

·      We live in times that bring out the best and the worst in people. All the more reason to get discernment.

          In addition to the warnings signs of dangerous individuals and relationships, I learned what the perpetrators look for and how they target their prey. I also learned the key characteristics of those who fall victim to abuse.

          What I learned in this regard could fill another book, but the essence of it is this: women who get conned by abusers are compromised by their circumstances and they have an inadequate self image. The way that the perpetrator uses these circumstances against his target is diabolical and in some cases, pure genius. These conditions factor very much in how you succumb to abuse AND they can also factor in how you can recover from it.

          We can't do anything right now about the legions of abusive people in society, but we can do a lot to strengthen and protect ourselves. Knowledge is power and life is a gift.

          Sincerely,

       Anna


Anna Moss

anna@relationshipredflags.com


“I intend to bring you strength, joy, courage, perspicacity, defiance!”                                                                    - Andre Gide